I have been wanting to turn get help with this "problem" - yet have had no where to go, for quite some time. I have been analyzing it myself a lot lately, and now that I have got my thoughts put together a bit more clearly, I would like to share them with you and get your opinion. I feel as though there are several USMers like me, or who can help me understand how to live with this.
In order to help you understand what I am speaking of - I will give you a series of examples, from childhood to present of my feelings, and what I go through.
I have found the easiest way to explain my feelings in a silly way.. related to Harry Potter. For those of you who know what "Dementors" are, please continue. If not.. here is a brief explanation.
Dementors suck all of the happiness out of you. They make everything seem very cold and dark. They bring up all of your worst memories. You forget all of your good memories.. and are basically left an empty shell. (Just my summery from Wikipedia. - feel free to look it up if you're really interested!)
*Between the ages of 6-13 (estimating the age, but I know I am close) I would always hide and listen to the saddest country songs. This is as a YOUNG child. Tears fell down my face, as I pained for anyone who had lost someone, or the thought of someone's husband dying from an airplane crashing (Mark Wills - Wish You Were Here) or how awful it must be to get in a fight with your husband before he passed away..(Garth Brooks - The Beaches Of Cheyenne).
I have to point out, it is not that I WANT to hurt, I did not listen to these songs to inflict pain upon myself, but I listened to them, and felt drawn to songs with such matter. To this day, I feel the same. I am drawn to said music, and when I hear it, I do know "it's just a song" but I also know.. that it has happened to someone. So when I hear it, I ache for those "someones." I'll pray for those "someones" and I'll cry for those "someones" and I hurt for those "someones" just as bad as if it was happening to me. I do not understand this.
*Most of you know, the Oklahoma City Bombing took place at 9:05 AM on April 19, 1995. I was SEVEN YEARS OLD. While most children were doing childish things, I STILL remember the moment I walked into my brother's room, where my cousin (who was watching us) and my brother (he's older) were watching the news. When I heard about all the innocent lives that were taken, I absolutely lost it. I just sobbed and sobbed. I cried so hard you would think my parents had been in that building. I will NEVER get over that, and what it did to me. That day, I felt surrounded by "dementors" for the first time. At seven years old, I was in the most emotional pain I could possibly imagine, and it had NOTHING to do with me. I felt like my life, all my happiness was being drug out of me, and I wanted to fix it. I wanted to help them, yet there was nothing I could do, but sit there, and sob.
*Whenever I see a car accident, a homeless person, read a sad story, or see a sad movie, I feel once again surrounded by "dementors." I understand that it is NORMAL to feel unhappiness when one is a witness to such events, but the EXTREME of the unhappiness I feel, is NOT normal. I cannot explain enough how I literally feel as though I am in their shoes and quite honestly, would do anything I possible could to help them. I want to hug them, hold them, tell them that I LOVE them, even if they feel alone. I want to be there for everyone. I want to fix it all.
*"Dementors" follow me around quite often it seems. In this day and age, there is always something in the news to strike up unhappiness, and once I feel it, it settles into my soul, and I have been stabbed in the heart, once again.
*I feel as though, I must let ALL of my friends rely on me, yet they have no idea, when they put their problems onto me, how far their problems are sinking in. I want to listen, oh how I want to help, but it pains me so much. I would never not listen to a friend, I would RATHER hurt than them.. but I would like to understand WHY it hurts me so badly? I am 100% positive that when I vent to my friends they do not FEEL my pain they way I feel theirs.
In conclusion, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I cannot live with this the rest of my life. It's a silly thing to say, and some may see this as a selfish, poor me, post.. but it really is a well-kept secret, and now, a cry for help.
The reason I know this is not depression, is because I know it is something bigger, something deeper. I have an odd connection, and am not sure how to use it. I am still in psychology, however.. keeping it as a major is becoming more and more doubtful, because I am worried that I will not be able to deal with it. At first I thought that listening and helping was the solution.. but now, I'm pretty sure it is not.
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Replies:
Date: 8/21/2008 8:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 10657Sweetie, many of us touched by others pain it's not that anything is wrong with you it's that you are human. Some of us experience the pain to a greater deal while, others can just brush it off. I feel people's pain and sadness as well and it's not pity for them just a I wish I could take it all away!
Date: 8/21/2008 12:27:00 PM
From Authorid: 35720No.. you're not strange.. I'm the same way.. I feel really bad for people, especially when I look at their eyes. It's so weird, I feel dumb saying it.. when I look at people's eyes, it makes me realize they, too, are a human being with feelings and emotions. I've been told I'm "extremely empathetic."
Date: 8/21/2008 2:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 31255I can imagine how draining this can be, your probably one of those people who can also describe painful emotions in a million different ways, but are not equally as able to describe pleasant emotions. You are obviously very tuned into other people's emotions and maybe oddly attracted to that kind of energy because you probably have some kind of gift and/or need to help people. The trick is to learn and know when you can't help and to know when it is beyond your means. It is very easy to be sucked in others problems and not give yourself enough time for yourself.
Date: 8/21/2008 6:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 64123I don't come across many people with such a strong sense of empathy anymore but don't worry, there are no dementors after you. I very rarely read news stories or watch television anymore because I empathize to the point that it DOES wind up becoming depression. Being this way isn't a curse, it demonstrates what a compassionate and loving person you are. Over time you will learn how to cope with it, how to shelter your own emotions and how to find some middle ground where you can empathize without putting your own self at risk . The world needs more people just like YOU. *hugs*
Date: 8/21/2008 7:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 21839Kate, I am that way in alot of way, just not to that extreme.. I have learned to talk about it, pray about it & let it go..Give it to God, he can't help him if you don't let him.. continue to pray & talk but you have to let it go or you will not be able to function.. find the good in others & let the sadness go... God gave us a rainbow at the end of the storm, I am praying for you & you know I am here anytime you need me.. *hugs*
Date: 8/21/2008 8:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704I hope you don't take my comment the wrong way it's not meant to be mean or spiteful. I know you've suffered from seizures that aren't being controlled by seizure meds. Has a doctor ever suggested your seizures are psychogenic seizures? From the way you've described them I've always thought that was a strong possibility. It wouldn't be your fault or anything you can control. It's not faking a seizure or anything like that but just a response by the body to emotions and stress. Usually people sexually abused as children or who have problems regulating their emotions suffer from them. If you feel like this on a daily basis, have you tried counseling? You're right, it's not normal and no one should have to feel like that. It's no way to live life. Are you on medication for it? Maybe switching or adding a new med will help. I'm not a doctor but I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist if you haven't already and really talk about your feelings and work through them.
43991 Category:(General Advice) Created:(8/21/2008 8:05:00 AM)