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A question for the ladies.... ~WanderingGurl~

  Author:  62983  Category:(Discussion) Created:(3/8/2008 5:38:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (1086 times)

I have a question for the ladies of USM. Do you think it is acceptable for your husband/boyfriend to go out at night and come home at 6:30 am? Is it just me or do you think that coming home that early/late is cool?

 

My hubby seems to think that as long as he is out with the guys then I should be okay with it because his friend's girlfriends/wives don't complain. He says that I am the only one who will call to see if he is okay. I've told him not to compare me with other people's significant others. I am not the same, I have panic attacks and when he dosen't come home, I freak out.

 

I encourage him to have a night out with the guys but, I also think that he should be respectful about it. To me coming home after 6 am after being at a bar or club is just disrespectful. And if I did the same thing all heck would break loose. So I told him what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

Help me out ladies. Is this disrespectful? (I know it is but...) How would you deal with it?

 

Thanks for your imput. ~WG~

 

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Replies:      
Date: 3/8/2008 5:52:00 AM  From Authorid: 55967    Hey, WanderingGurl. Won't comment much on the relationship between you and your husband, esp. since I'm not a lady, but I was wondering, ever hear of Lucinda Bassett? She is the CEO of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety. I first heard of her about 15 years ago before she got real big, and now, she is one of the best. She has books, programs, DVD's, etc. about handling anxiety attacks. Whenever anyone mentions that to me, I always recommend her. http://www.stresscenter.com/?utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=Stresscenter.com&utm_campaign=Stress%2BCenter&OVRAW=The_Midwest_Center_For&OVKEY=the%20midwest%20center%20for&OVMTC=standard&OVADID=1541301012&OVKWID=172719067512  
Date: 3/8/2008 6:14:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    Thanks Gypsyhawk, I will check out the site. I have a real problem with anxiety, and I have since 2003. It seems to be getting worse each year. The smallest things make me panic. I have coping techniques that I use for certain situations, but somethings make my head feel like it will explode. So thanks again for the info.   
Date: 3/8/2008 6:16:00 AM  From Authorid: 59876    my husband would never do something so disrespectful. my good friend down the street though, her husband does stuff like that all the time and thinks nothing of it. she was injured and has no income, and no car, and is tied to the house by that and four children. he goes out when he pleases and leaves them without food, money, and doesn't bother to say where he's been, sometimes for days. he also runs his mouth at her in a disrespectful way in front of the children and now the older son has started to do the same. it's a sad state of affairs and i think it is incredibly disrespectful for someone to do any of that. i am sorry it is happening to you. nothing wrong with going out with the guys, but gee whiz..  
Date: 3/8/2008 6:26:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    Thanks Doh. I appreciate you stopping by, I feel for your friend. I hope that her situation gets better, a few days! Wow... I would be in a mental center, if my hubby did that.  
Date: 3/8/2008 6:42:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    Well, I'm heading out for a while but I will be back to respond to any comments. Thanks.   
Date: 3/8/2008 6:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 62100    That is TOTALLY disrespectful- especially considering that the bars close at what?? 1 or 2 am?? So what exactly are they doing until 6:30 am?? My fiance can't drink, but he does go out with his buddies sometimes to hang and be the DD- but he often calls or texts to tell me something funny that happened or just to tell me that he loves me or that they're stopping to eat..he would NEVER be out that late..  
Date: 3/8/2008 6:56:00 AM  From Authorid: 13546    I think that is very disrespectful! I mean sure, there is such a thing as going out with the guys, but not until 6:30 in the morning... I would be mad if that ever happened! I would sit down with my husband and tell him what I thought, and felt about the situation.. !! Gee. Hope you can figure this out.  
Date: 3/8/2008 7:07:00 AM  From Authorid: 63191    Once in a great while might be okay, as long as he was with the guys. But if he makes a habit of it, I'd call it thoughtless. We have those all nighters and such when we're single. Part of growing up is putting those days behind you. At least that's how I feel.  
Date: 3/8/2008 7:14:00 AM  From Authorid: 56293    I'd find it disrespectful especially considering that bars here close @ 2am ....... what is he doing all those other hours???? I wouldn't be too happy.  
Date: 3/8/2008 7:34:00 AM  From Authorid: 62849    It doesn't bother me when my husband does it, but that could be because he rarely ever does it. I worry about him, sure, but I know he's not running around on me- I trust him when he's out with his friends.  
Date: 3/8/2008 7:37:00 AM  From Authorid: 62849    Oh, wait- he's out until waking up time? That's a little extreme.. here, the bars close at 2-230, so I can understand a quick stop for food, maybe put you up to 330 and then time for getting home, maybe 4AM?  
Date: 3/8/2008 7:51:00 AM  From Authorid: 820    I would be terribly upset if my husband did this even as little as once a month.  
Date: 3/8/2008 8:25:00 AM  From Authorid: 40145    oh no, it is so disrespectful! last time my fiance did that he came home at 5 am, I gave him earful and after that he stopped doing that not right, i would understand by 2 am that is when the bar is closed,  
Date: 3/8/2008 8:29:00 AM  From Authorid: 21764    I totally agree with you.. I would try and talk to him about it, tell him how it makes you feel.. he's your hubby, im sure he'll understand and change his mind.   
Date: 3/8/2008 9:21:00 AM  From Authorid: 28848    Don't most clubs/bars close at 2am? How old is he? I wouldnt think that most mature adults in long term mature relationships would need to stay out all night like an irresponsible kid.  
Date: 3/8/2008 11:17:00 AM  From Authorid: 51393    You need to stand your ground and make sure he understood what you meant.I have been married will be (22) years now in June 2.That is definitely not acepptable.If he loves you and respect you he needs to have the understanding that there is a line between friends and marriage.Your the Queen in that house and your relationship with him now use your power.Try to spend more time with him and see what he is wanting in your relationship with him.Sometimes we seek friendship because our significant other lacks what keeps the relationshp steaming.Find the reasons and how to keep him homebound with you......Much love and God Bless.....  
Date: 3/8/2008 2:40:00 PM  From Authorid: 42945    Well I'm afraid I wouldn't be so understanding people, you get married to spend time together right? and I know that we must have a little time like in certain activities in my instance going to the gym, or my hubby going to a footy match, but hey! I would draw the line at him coming home at 6am and more so if it was something he did often, either he would have to stop doing it or move out. Seems he'd like to live the life of a single guy...but that's just my opinion hunny. *hugs*  
Date: 3/8/2008 2:43:00 PM  From Authorid: 20977    no, not acceptable.  
Date: 3/8/2008 3:39:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    Okay for everyone who doesn't know, I live in Austria and the clubs and bars here are open until 7am. AND, it is relatively normal for the men here to go out and leave the women at home and come back when they want. In our circle of friends, I guess I'm the only one who sees it as disrespectful. A lot of women here just let the men walk on them, and that's not me.  
Date: 3/8/2008 3:41:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    Thanks everyone for replying.  
Date: 3/8/2008 3:45:00 PM  From Authorid: 60685    I would have gone out on one of those nights with my girls, no sense in staying home worrying while he's out having a jolly good time, but that's just my humble opinion.  
Date: 3/8/2008 4:08:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 62983    I have girls night out on a different night, and IF I came home at that time he would lose it.  
Date: 3/8/2008 4:47:00 PM  From Authorid: 3321    I'd be upset.  

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