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Would you ever date your dead friend's husband?

  Author:  52140  Category:(Discussion) Created:(8/4/2004 9:25:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (3085 times)

My mom is hanging out with a man who's wife died about three weeks ago. I try not to get caught up in their relationship or anything because they are just friends. My mom and the man's wife were good friends and my mom NEVER thought about dating him while he was married, but now he is lonely and wants someone to hang out with and talk to. He also took her out for her birthday and she has been going to his house a few nights a week and he calls ALOT. He's a REALLY nice guy.

I have no problem with it, but I was wondering if people might have a problem. Would you get involved (maybe not romantically YET) with you dead friend's husband?

Thanks

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Replies:      
Date: 8/4/2004 9:30:00 AM  From Authorid: 25390    Maybe she's just being a friend to him. People deal with their grief in different ways. He probably just wants someone to talk to and have fun with so he can deal.  
Date: 8/4/2004 9:30:00 AM  From Authorid: 62675    I would as long as I knew my friend would not mind. And if my friends family was ok with it. 3 Years is along enough period. If it were 3 days I would be suspicious. If I died and a good friend of mine and my husband dated (at least a good year or two after I croak) I would be happy knowing they were happy and he was being taken care of  
Date: 8/4/2004 9:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 48941    I guess it would be o.k, I really don't know.. This is a tough question..  
Date: 8/4/2004 9:37:00 AM  From Authorid: 13119    the wife died three weeks ago!!!! That is twisted, but then again maybe he is using your mom as a sounding board and she is the only one he feels comfortable talking to.  
Date: 8/4/2004 9:49:00 AM  From Authorid: 30747    I would. I don't know if I would be that romantically involved after only 3 weeks but they have a friendship and seem to be headed that way. I hope they find happiness with each other.  
Date: 8/4/2004 9:50:00 AM  From Authorid: 46527    I think she is just giving him the support he needs at this very difficult time in his life. He has probably turned to her as a subconscious way of keeping a little part of his wife alive in his life. There is a risk that the kindness she is showing him may be mistake as romantic interest BUT they are both adults and free to make their own decisions.  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:01:00 AM  From Authorid: 15228    I don't see anything wrong with it, although 3 weeks is kind of a short time, especially if you don't want people talking.  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:06:00 AM  From Authorid: 23101    It is okay to go over to the house and be supportive of a friend, but I think getting romantic, is like betraying your BFF friends or not? You know. So I think your mom would be better off just being a good friend. *huge hugs*  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:18:00 AM  From Authorid: 11341    The thought of being romantic with my friends husband when she has only been dead 3 weeks gives me the creeps, it would never happen, not in a million years. Being friends with the husband is a different story. I think I could eventually be romanticaly involved but I dont know for sure without being in that situation.  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:24:00 AM  From Authorid: 3648    I see no problem with being there for her friend's husband in his time of need...He's lonely and a friend could help....But I don't think I would get romanticaly involved with him after 3 weeks...Maybe later down the line where he's had time to adjust with his new life and the death of his wife then maybe if feelings started to grow for him I see nothing really wrong with it....but the has to be a good amount of time that has come to past before I would allow myself to get involved with a romantic relationship with him.  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:25:00 AM  From Authorid: 62675    I thought that said 3 years ago not weeks ago. That is a bit soon, people will talk about them!!  
Date: 8/4/2004 10:52:00 AM  From Authorid: 22308    to me, i might, but i would just be friends first. if its meant to be its meant to be but i'd make sure that the friend would not mind it, i'd ask her to give me a sign if it was ok or not and hoping she would let me know  
Date: 8/4/2004 11:00:00 AM  From Authorid: 35720    I have really strict views on disrespecting the dead.. I dunno, somehow dating a deceased friend's husband doesn't seem right to me. Just my opinion.. *shrug*  
Date: 8/4/2004 11:03:00 AM  From Authorid: 55988    I think it would be okay to be there for each other, but I don't know about getting romantically invovled too soon, it could seem like a betrayal. This sort of reminds me of the love plot in the movie Pearl Harbor...  
Date: 8/4/2004 11:53:00 AM  From Authorid: 3263    This is a tough situation. I think that ultimately what happens is that two people who were close to the person who died, seek comfort in each other, and become very close. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, there's a whole different wave of emotions. I don't think it is intentional; it just happens. In your moms case, however, it does seem rather soon..  
Date: 8/4/2004 12:04:00 PM  From Authorid: 4144    they are adults. leave them alone. three weeks or three years, i don't see the big deal. she is probably just trying to keep him company. and would i do it? NO WAY!! THAT'S SICK! ok.....my best friend's husband is my cousin so.........seriously, if i wanted to see the man i probably would.  
Date: 8/4/2004 12:38:00 PM  From Authorid: 46530    Would it be different if the best friend had just split up or emigrated? the relationship has ended, and I would have no problem with whatever interaction they may choose.  
Date: 8/4/2004 3:05:00 PM  From Authorid: 53900    No I woulldnt but then I am not attracted to my best friends husband and would never be in a million lifetimes. But something that may not be touched upon is if this was your mom's best friend both her husband and your mom are obviously going through a hard time right now and may have turned to one another for comfort and friendship and nothing more.  
Date: 8/4/2004 4:00:00 PM  From Authorid: 8278    honestly, i don't know if i could. it would seem almost disrespectful to my friend. and 3 weeks is a very short time. i see absolutly no problem with being there for him and being a good, supporting friend...but i dont think i would want to get romantically involved. i am a firm believier in "do unto others as you would have done to you", and i dont think i would like my friend getting together with my husband after i died.  
Date: 8/4/2004 4:01:00 PM  From Authorid: 62752    who knows i think just maybe they are just confiding in eachother, kk  
Date: 8/4/2004 5:20:00 PM  From Authorid: 53284    I don't think that I would!  
Date: 8/4/2004 6:28:00 PM  From Authorid: 53558    No, I would not..  
Date: 8/4/2004 6:59:00 PM  From Authorid: 53909    I don't think that I would but I would be there to comfort them.  
Date: 8/5/2004 5:29:00 AM  From Authorid: 62737    I know a man who, after his wife died, (well, about three years later) married her sister! I think it's okay. As you said, he had no interest in her while his first wife was alive. They truly love each other, and now have three children together, plus the one he had with the first wife. How cool is that, having your aunt for your stepmom? :-)
Date: 8/5/2004 6:22:00 AM  From Authorid: 19460    I dont think I could do that. I would feel like my friend was in Heaven shaking her head and saying Wow what a friend! Now I could see it maybe if they had kids and and I was really close to the kids like a second mom, to help take care of them, but I still dont think romance would come into play. A friend of mine, her husband died when she was 6 months pregnant, and she had the baby, married his best friend, and they tell the babay (who is now 6) that she belongs to BOTH men. To me that is kinda confusing for that child! They tell her she has "goat man's (her birth dads cb handle)cheeks and "her daddy's (step dad) eyes. That blew my mind the first time I heard them tell her that!  
Date: 8/5/2004 9:29:00 AM  From Authorid: 56063    not cool!  
Date: 8/6/2004 3:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 35720    "How cool is that, having your aunt for your stepmom? :-)" actually.. it's kind of strange and incest-like.. lol  
Date: 8/12/2004 9:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 62737    Oh please, it is not. He married the woman, she died. Years later, he dated her sister and they wed. The family had no problem with it... I don't get how that is incest-like?? I know someone who married her second cousin... now in my opinion, that was just wrong. This is totally different.
Date: 8/12/2004 1:06:00 PM  From Authorid: 35720    It's incest-like because he has an aunt for a stepmom. I didn't say it WAS incest.. I said it sounds incest-like. And marrying your cousin is definently disgusting.. there are many more fish in the sea.. you don't have to settle down with your cousin.  

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