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What do I do?

  Author:  52563  Category:(General Advice) Created:(10/14/2002 8:31:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (428 times)

This is about my mom. She holds a grudge against my Sister-In-Law because while she was pregnant she yelled at my mom. I forgave her for it. I mean, she was pregnant for one, and I believe she was worried about having another miscarriage. I constantly argue with my mom about this. She keeps repeating that my sister-in-law doesn't like her, which isn't true. She got anger at her because she was telling her what kind of clothes my nephew needed. First off, I was there and I heard what she said, she meant nothing wrong about it. Second of all, My mom listens to no one, she misunderstood her. I want her to get over it. I just hate hearing her talking behind my Sister-In-Laws back. I'm very soft so it hurts me. I'm also afraid she's going to do something that will cause my sister-in-law to not let us see the baby. Which worries me most of all because I love him more then anything. My mother wont listen to me, I guess she thinks because I'm only 17, I lack common sense and can't realize what’s going on. I only want to be taken seriously. I want my Mother to forgive my Sister-In-Law. Also, My mom said something to me that really hurt today. I can't repeat it here because there was cursing involved. I was just stating my opinion and trying to get her to understand. I just want to give up on it all. I'm trying my best to get everything to work out right. I just want everyone to like everyone else. I'm really sensitive, I know... Anyway, Anyone have any advice for me? Sorry this was so long.

I just wanted to add that everytime I come out to my mom, pour out my soul and all that mess, She thinks I'm on drugs. I was crying so bad this morning because of everything, mostly the fact that I didn't want my nephew taken away, but she asked me "What are you on".. It's so frustrating. I'm completely different from my Mother and Father. I think I taught myself what's right. They're homophobes. I’m not. They're Racist, I’m not. And this is a huge problem because I spend half my time fighting for what I believe it. That's all. :)

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Replies:      
Date: 10/14/2002 8:38:00 PM  From Authorid: 56200    You know I have learned not to get in the middle of people who do not get along. You will get one or the other mad at you. My mother and sister do not get along. When I was younger and lived close to them they just drove me crazy. Now I live 2,000 mi. away and I only have to deal with it on the phone or when I visit which isn't very often. They usually visit me, and not together. Hope things work out. You can try to keep the peace but if they really don't like each other there isn't much that you can do. Good Luck! Snipit  
Date: 10/14/2002 8:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 8278    sometimes it is best not to get in the middle. but i know how you feel. i am a rather soft person too and i am the type who likes everyone to get along. your sister-in-law was probably very sensitive because of her hormones. and if she has had miscarriages before...than the fear of that happening again would put her on edge. i know how that feels. and i know sometimes parents don't like to listen to their kids...but you sound like someone who has a very good head on their shoulders. my mother-in-law and i DO NOT get along at all...but i would never keep my son from her. hopefully your sister-in-law will not keep him from you guys either. just explain to your mom that you are not on drugs, but you dont like to hear all of these things that she says about your sister-in-law. she knows what it is like to be pregnant. i am sure her nerves were on edge too :)alot of woman react without thinking when they are pregnant. i was aweful :) just ask monte. LOL. anyway, hopefully your mother will see that you are just trying to keep peace in the family. and i hope she doesn't hold this grudge for too long. best of luck to you.  
Date: 10/14/2002 9:05:00 PM  From Authorid: 15279    First of all I wanted to help you see one thing. You can't change this argument, it has to fizzle on it;s own. Go see your nephew,let your sister in law know you're on her side, and that you think that this should be talked out and let go.
As for you, you believe in you..if they don't have the same beliefs thats okay. Just don't let their negativity affect you. Find an older adult you can trust to understand your feelings and respect them. I tryuly believe it will be okay.
Ask your mom something though and I'll tell you why in a minute.
Ask her if the argument is so worth winning that she's wiling to not see her grandchild and be bitter forever.
My mom believes she is right and we haven't talked in 10 years. I have two kids who've never met her, only because she can't get over it, and grow up.
Sometimes life isn't worth arguing over.
Hugs to you dear!
~crystal~
  
Date: 10/20/2002 8:37:00 AM  From Authorid: 49889    First, Im very glad that you stand up for what you believe in; I know how hard it is to go against one's parents. Second, I hate to say this, but I think it might be better if your mother doesnt see your nephew, considering she's racist and all that-maybe you should talk to your sister in law and tell her how you feel about losing your nephew. Im sure she'll understand how much you love him since she loves him too and will not want to take him away from YOU. Just my advice!  

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