I'm sorry if I held onto my heart too tight,
I'll let go of it now.
You're free to take it out and place it in a blender,
I won't try and stop you.
I would even help you turn it on "liquify",
we'd stand there watching my heart shred away,
and your eyes would meet mine,
shooting me a look of pure hatred.
I'd smile,
happy knowing that I helped you with what you wanted:
to destroy my heart so I could feel no emotion for you.
How can I,
when you ripped it out for a blender to destroy it?
Even with no heart,
I know enough to sit at home alone at night,
lying in bed wishing that you were by my side.
But only in dreams are you next to me,
and the night after those dreams,
I'm always waking up to a wet pillow
that had captured my tears throughout the night.
If this is what I want so bad,
why does it always fill me with a feeling of sadness
whenever I think of you?
You don't deserve my tears,
but somehow I can't make myself believe that.
I've written that phrase over and over again,
on blank college ruled paper,
"You don't deserve my tears"
Yet, the more pages that I fill,
the more I believe that you're the only one for me.
Why am I so blind?
Why can't I see?
However, there is one thing that I can see,
and it is that look in your eyes
that's telling me to give up,
you'll never love me.
I can't help it.
I hit myself whenever I catch myself I thinking of you,
I need to stop.
But no matter what I do,
I'll keep seeing you around,
and I'll keep beating myself up over you.
If I don't see you for the rest of today,
just know that I'll be seeing you in my dreams tonight.
I'll think of you when I wake up and see my soggy pillow,
I'll get up out of bed and sigh,
knowing what a lonely day this will be.
--iCyFiRe
**10/13/02
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