I started seeing me kissing him and being nice to him. I heard something say ‘you know this is supposed to be give love a chance.’ Then I came back to where I had been. By some miracle I didn’t crash and magically got home. I ran up the stairs and unlocked my door. I went in and just sat down in my chair on the porch and put my head in my hands. What was wrong with me? A loner finally finds someone who wants to befriend her and she goes crazy hearing voices and having fantasies. What was wrong with me? Then I went inside and went back to my ‘chest.’ I opened it and paused for a minute. Was I actually going to do this? I dug to the bottom and grabbed a videotape. I held it in my hand a minute and just kind of let my thoughts run free. I finally decided I would do it. I got up and went to the VCR. I was just about to put the tape in when just as it was about to leave my hand when the phone rang. It was Bill. He was screaming viciously at me saying Jeremy told him I went home sick, asked for my address, Bill gave it to him, and then he left. He was saying if I wanted to steal his boy band members then I could go work somewhere else. I apologized saying I barely knew Jeremy and I would promise to break up with him (Bill was convinced we were secretly dating because he said Jeremy always was asking about me.) After I hung up the phone I took the tape and put it away for another day when I was more ready. After I put it away I sat on the couch and started to think. I started reminiscing about my life. I first went back to my first heartbreak when I was 12. I remembered it like it was yesterday. I was in the hall and some people had ‘somehow’ found out I had a crush on this guy. I heard them teasing him saying the ‘fat mouse’ liked him. He was moaning like it was the horrible thing in the world. I ran home crying and that was one of my only half days ever. The next was when I was 16. This one was tough remembering. I was on my bed looking through magazines. I was playing the song. I was singing with it. I was picking out the outfit for my show and trying to decide the best hair do and makeup job. I remember waking up the next day and telling everyone how great it was going to be. I remembered getting on the stage and… and…. Right as the worst part of the memory was coming back I heard a knock on my door. I jumped 4 feet in the air and then realized who it was. I immediately just sat still hoping he would go away. Sure enough it was Jeremy. He tried a few more times and then said, “Amanda are you there? (He knocked again then said) Come on I know your there. Please answer the door.” Then he stopped and said, “Fine I get the hint.” Then left. Obviously this guy had one never dealt with an anti socialist and two never had been rejected. The only thing I knew other then he was cute and persistent was that his name was Jeremy. I mean I knew nothing of this guy. Personally I didn’t care. Or so I thought. The next morning I woke up at 6 got a shower and got dressed. Something inside me decided to try to look nice that day. I wore a black skirt and white shirt. I guess I should mention I ‘accidentally’ pulled the skirt up a little (it was a little to much above the knee) and the shirt was tight. I also decided to wear my hair down. I decided it looked good and it was still work appropriate. I also put a little make up on and painted my fingernails. When I got to work everyone starred at me a little funny. I hoped that it was because I looked cute and not ugly. I kept looking for Jeremy. I’d be typing up a report and peek my head over my computer to see if he was out in the hall. He never was. At lunchtime I went down to the lounge and kept looking around seeing if he was there. I guess he had enchanted me because I missed him! I heard from a few people down in the lounge that the new ‘money making boy band’ was practicing in a little room two stories up. Even though I’d worked there since I was 18 I had never been on that story. So I went up the stairs and I walked up to the room. The guy who was with Jeremy named Alex was the only one in the room. I thought darn and then I knocked on the door to get his attention. He came up and said, “Hi. Bill’s not here right now but he’ll be back in a half hour or so. I’ll leave him a message if you want.” He was sweet but I said, “Oh I wasn’t…I mean um no that’s okay I’ll come back later. So are you in that boy band?” He smiled and said, “Yeah. What do you do here?” I was doing my best not to blush because I had never done anything like this before and I said, “I’m a secretary. So who else is in your band?” He said, “Well so far there’s only 3 of us but their trying to decide between 5 guys. We only need two more.” I knew he knew who I was. So I said, “Well what is the names of the guys in your band currently?” He laughed and said, “Are you Amanda?” I blushed a little and said, “Yeah. I guess you heard about me.” He laughed again and said, “Yeah Jeremy never shuts up about you. He was kind of upset today though. Well I got to go.” He got up to leave and I grabbed him and pulled him back down in the chair. “Alex tell me! Why is he upset?” He had this look of shock on his face and then he got this smile and said, “I knew it! I told him you liked him but he wouldn’t believe me.” I just said, “Please tell me.” He said, “Well he went over to your place and he knew you were home but you wouldn’t answer so he thinks you’re mad at him. Also the way you keep avoiding him.” Something wild possessed me and I said, “But I do like him I just don’t know how to show it! I’ve been looking for him all day!” Then Alex laughed and I blushed redder then the deepest shade of red and said, “Oh my god I can’t believe I just said that to someone I don’t even know. Listen I…I’m gonna…yeah.” I just got up and started walking as fast as I could to my office.
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